Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
