Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
