i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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