I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
