Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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