I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
