i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize