were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
