If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
