the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
