I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
