Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Im part way to drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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