I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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