he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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