I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
