Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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