I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize