So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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