Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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