If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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