wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You ruined the universe
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
