You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
