is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
