are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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