Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
