I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
