just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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