my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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