and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
