today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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