Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
