my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
