I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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