I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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