I'd wear matching sweaters with you
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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