Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
