Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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