Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this will be a night to untag.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
