dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
