my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
