i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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