oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize