i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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