What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
