Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
