I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
