My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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