just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
