im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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