S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
