How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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