oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
