in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
