im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
