Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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