Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
