why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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