Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
