The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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