She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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