i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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