They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
