but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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