we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
