Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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