The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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