I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
