K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
