I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
