The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
