3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize