the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
