im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
