Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize