me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
